01.11.2023 Getting lost and found again... They are two sides of life forces and life itself is the movement between these two points. This is fundamental of the movement that created us. We are still "being created". We are not fully developed. Bing Bang is still happening. We are still exploding. We need to move to survive. So that's why we will be lost and then find ourselves again. This does not mean that we will not be sad or happy. We are observers. We will feel something and observe. And most importantly, we may "forget".
"Do not trust yourself until you die!"
This is my motto in my life because we have potential of everything. We can move ourselves to a "X" or "Y" side of anything we can imagine. This reminds me of Arvo Part's inspirational interview with Björk about duality of music. He says "They (people) don't know how strong the music influence us; good or bad. You can kill people with the sound. There is also sound which is something opposite of killing. The distance between these two points are very big. You are free. You can choose everything. It is possible but everything made is not necessary."
Take this diary entry as a food for thought. And there is opposite of this situation too. You can go and not think about it. Either of those points may be right or wrong, black or white. Maybe we need to find something which does not have any opposite. Or we can create the third option, too!
29.07.2023 I'm lost.
26.07.2023 There is no right or wrong choice. I am not sure whether the choise itself really exists too.
26.07.2022 Who is me? There is nothing else in my mind that can explain. My mind is divided into multiple things. I -whoever that is I have no idea- have zero control over myself and because I do not know who I am, there is also no other "I"s in my mind that can help me to wake up. Or maybe I cannot hear their voice. My brain's pattern of thinking has changed a lot recently. That's why I feel like this. Whenever I think about a complex concept, there is something else that prevents me from doing it. I spent too much time on stupid things. I have no idea about this mechanism is but I gave all the control of myself to it. How can I get myself back from me? Maybe like this. Just by writing. Sometimes writing is better than thinking only. Now I can understand the concept of "diary". Because I cannot think about myself if I cannot talk with myself. Losing the boundaries of myself may sound like a good thing but you know, it is not like that. Actually I become invisible for people around me if I think that I am important. I become bolder if I think that I am not important. I need to remind myself that I am not that important. Nobody just sits and thinks about the things that I do. There are tons of I, me, myself in this text but I have zero idea about who they are.
10.12.2020 That world is but a simulated blur. Step away from Konoyo. Into the void.(You are)Not alone. You never were.
28.02.2020 There are some points that people meet on internet who shares the same feeling and makes you think that you are not the only one. I am finding those points these days. If we had a portal just in front of us, we would say the same things to each other. "We are at the end of this world but there is a new one ahead." The points are like the end of the internet, there is a feeling that we are at the edge. We are seeking them, but actually they find us. This video is one of those points.
19.10.2019 If you are here reading this, I know you from somewhere in which there is no perception of time and place. I just want to say, thank you. Thank you for existing. Thank you for just being there. Save beautiful memories for the moment that we feel whole and one. "Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.”-Rumi
